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| Posted on 20/03/2009 (1 Year ago) |
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| A man was driving through the country when his car broke down. He decided to walk to the nearest farm to ask for help.
As he started walking a cow in the adjacent field said to him, "It sounds like the carburetor needs adjusting." The man was shocked by a talking cow and he ignored it and kept walking.
The man got to the farm and asked for help. Then he told the farmer about what the cow had said to him.
"Was it a big brown cow with a bell around it neck?" the farmer asked.
"Yes, as a matter of fact it was."
"Oh, that's old Bessy. Don't listen to her, she don't know nothing about cars." |
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| Posted on 23/03/2009 (1 Year ago) |
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| Absolutely hilrious dude! You rock! |
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| Posted on 23/03/2009 (1 Year ago) |
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| A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" |
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| gwgjr51 |
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Member Since
24 Mar 2009 |
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| Posts : 1 |
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| Posted on 24/03/2009 (1 Year ago) |
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| Really funny stuff, Mike! Thanks for brightening my day! |
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| Siddiqi |
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Member Since
15 Jan 2009 |
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| Posts : 54 |
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| Posted on 24/03/2009 (1 Year ago) |
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| A Polish (citizen of Poland country) man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was very worst, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
- It made of concrete.
I don’t think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?
- No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean. What are your relation is like?
- All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
- We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
- No, I am always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
- No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
- She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
- I got proof.
What kind of proof?
- She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”. |
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| Posted on 25/03/2009 (11 Months ago) |
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| Thank's for Supporting me Friends.... |
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| Posted on 25/03/2009 (11 Months ago) |
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| A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, John! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says John. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says “Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” John’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, John.” |
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| Posted on 27/03/2009 (11 Months ago) |
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| Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....." |
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| Posted on 27/03/2009 (11 Months ago) |
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| The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." |
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| Siddiqi |
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Member Since
15 Jan 2009 |
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| Posts : 54 |
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| Posted on 28/03/2009 (11 Months ago) |
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:
” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent." |
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